I’m having a bit of a dilemma. And as you can tell by the title of this article, it’s my internal conflict with Cauliflower Crust. Now I would like to preface that this is not a critique of Cauliflower Crust, nor is this meant to offend the creators and supporters of the vegetal dough. I actually think the invention is genius. This is simply a dilemma, and hopefully, someone out here in the Internet world will help me figure it out.
Let’s start with why Cauliflower Crust could be considered a trusted confidant. Say you’re out at a restaurant and see Cauliflower Crust as a menu item. The first thing that comes to mind, for me at least, is that by buying this crust, I somehow will be doing something beneficial for the planet (because eating vegetables = being a sustainable eater, right?) Another consideration is the supposed health benefits of Cauliflower Crust. The cauliflower is a cruciferous vegetable full of hearty nutrients that make it a fan favorite across cultures. So, when I see a pizza dough that is made from cauliflower, I automatically assume that this crust will fuel me with all of the good stuff that my body needs- regardless of what my stomach might think. And finally, the Bandwagon Effect. Whether we want to admit it or not, Cauliflower Crust is a trendy menu item that attracts the eyes of foodies all around. It’s innovative, it’s new, and most importantly, it’s healthy. So, why wouldn’t I trust Cauliflower Crust in all its glory?
Now to the juicy stuff. I know I just made a beautifully articulated case for why Cauliflower Crust should be the food innovation of our dreams. But, my dilemma is that the trendy crust may be anything but that. We have two stomachs: our mind stomach and our real stomach. The first argument appeases the side of our mind stomach, but what about the real stomach that loves real pizza? Why should that stomach miss out on all the fun?
Today, I listened to my mind stomach and bought Cauliflower Crust pizza. I ordained it with sun-dried tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, basil, and a drizzle of truffle oil to finish it off. Sounds dreamy, right? But as I take my first anticipatory bite, I suddenly realize that I walked 25 minutes to a pizza restaurant and I didn't even order pizza. I ordered toasted cauliflower with melted cheese and toppings. I was tricked into thinking that I ordered a ‘better’ pizza, but I didn’t even get what I came for in the first place. It doesn't matter if it is your local family Italian joint or a pizza artisan from Naples, cauliflower crust can not be used to make real pizza.
So here’s the argument: Cauliflower Crust is the arch-nemesis of our real stomachs. A real stomach knows what it likes, no matter what anyone says. And I’m sure if I asked a child, who are the masters of listening to their real stomachs, “Cauliflower Crust or Pizza Dough?” they would not even think twice about their next answer. Our real stomachs know that whether it’s made of cauliflower or flour, pizza dough is processed all the same. Calories are taken in by our body and then transformed into energy that allows us to go about our days- whether they come from vegetables or not. Our real stomachs also know that real pizza is good. People have been eating pizza in all its glutenous, cheesy glory since Pompeii (fun fact, there are still pizza ovens that were preserved from over 2,000 years ago!) And our stomachs don’t really know this but, I would hope everyone else knows, eating more vegetables does not make you ‘healthier’ or ‘more sustainable.’ There is a lot more that goes into that than Cauliflower Crust.
So going forward, I’m just gonna stick to the good stuff. If pizza were as bad for you as Cauliflower Crust tries to make us believe, then I don't think would be a globally adored meal that’s eaten for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Unless you absolutely love the taste of Cauliflower Crust, I think you’ll be a lot safer, and happier, sticking to the normal pizza you know and love.
